WILD

I want so desperately to be incorporated with you, Wild
But I am so aware of my own tame
I take my clothes off and beg to be consumed
But Wild is blind to my endeavor
TAKE ME
I scream
But the wind only howls and the birds only sing
And the water only rushes
I feel like Wild laughs at me but I know it’s not true
Is it so silly to want to be yours?
I am pitying myself
And I know it’s unattractive to Wild
I mix dust with river water
And paint myself clay-brown
I AM HERE
I beg
Only humid heat and woodpecker pecking
And sun beating
In a final display, I run
Sweat mixes with clay and streaks my bare belly
My hair tangles
My eyes dilate
My pores open
My lungs inflate
Everything is alive
And only in this state
I am taken

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THE FEAR OF SOMETHING WONDERFUL

When the train is riding along,
Gliding effortlessly on its track
I get queasy, itchy, restless
Just thinking about the termination of the track
The cinematic station with the hankies and the hugging and the happy ending
Ick
If I see something adorable coming down the line, I am likely to set the train ablaze
The story, so far, goes:
Found the guy, the perfect guy
Guy wants kids
Guy would be great with kids
I can picture, in vivid detail
Our children and their
Chicken nugget-less lives
I can hear us calling their perfect little names
A sensible mixture of novelty and tradition
I can see our lovely home
A balance of tidy and lived in
And I want to set fire to it all

Where once was blood, risk, and desire
Now, neat rows of snack-pack celery stalks and peanut butter bites
I want to bake it all in a casserole a la Sylvia Plath’s head

I know
I am preprogrammed to disdain the conventional
In high school, I prided myself in the rejection of Dave Matthews Band
And Prom

But I know now
I am a victim of a system
That lets me believe I was inspired and revolutionary in my thinking
All the while, I was precisely in line with the
Algorithm’s projection
I listened to Kid A in an ’89 Ford Tempo

Now is the time I am projected to resist
Which is why, perhaps
Facebook keeps asking me if I’m nursing
Or if I’m planning a baby shower (Fuck you, by the way)

I am projected to resist
This
Lovely marital bliss

I ride the train
Watching from the rear as the engine car rounds the bend

Always assuming
I am both the passenger
And the conductor

A MEMBER OF EVERYTHING

It’s winter again in Ohio
And I have banished myself to bedroom Siberia
A white tundra of down comforter

Ohio is lovely but she is quite a grey thing
Her ad might say
“Come to Ohio, you’ll love our indoors!”

The problem with our indoors
Is missing out
On being a member of the everything
The risk of
Belonging only to yourself (or your pillow, or Instagram or a good afternoon wank)

And what a crime

But, if I can force myself to, I belong to the “out-of-doors”
I bravely shed baby blanket, bath tub, self-coddling
In favor or a renewed membership
To the everything

WET PINE TREES CLUB
I belong
EMPTY HOUSES ANONYMOUS
I am also a (secret) member
BLACK BIRD POLKA DOT SKY
I want to incorporate with you
SMELL OF DIRT, IRON AND FOG
I am with you!
FILTHY BUS BREATHING FILTHY AIR AT ME
I attend your board meetings
SCREAMING TEENS IN NEON BACKPACKS
I pay dues quarterly
DEAD QUIET, UNEVEN BIKE PATH
You are worth your drab meeting minutes

I implore you to give up
Your Netflix
Your tea and your cat and your foot rub
And
Brave the damp chill

If it had an ad
It would say
“The everything: Worth the temporary discomfort”