MIRRORLESS

Again I find myself in the tub
In one of those rare moments
When absolutely no one is watching
Not even the person I have created in my head to watch me
And so I make the most comfortable pose my body can make
(Which, for the time being, is a something like a woman
Giving birth with her arms above her head)
I sway my hair back and forth
Underwater and feel
Its slow-motion weight
Remember being a mermaid

These moments
Are so critical to me
Because they are the ones
In which I am really free
Moments
Without mirrors
Or judgment

Without these
I am a shaky little creature
Perpetually anticipating the snicker
Of imaginary audience
Censoring myself into
More reasonable dances
But if I’m letting myself be me, entirely
I am, inevitably doing a dance that is deeply weird
But scratches an itch just out of reach
And that feels right to me

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